Yesterday was a quiet day. Mom and I left the apartment at 7 and got to the lawyer at 8, and sat down for an hour. Turns out, her car might get taken. And I might have to quit school.
I talked to a friend of mine, and she said she would come and get me to take me to school. That’s very thoughtful, but I don’t know what’s going to happen.
And on top of that, Mom is upset that I don’t have a job. It’s not my fault no one hires me.
I told God, and I’ve been telling God, if I get a job I quit school.
- On one hand, I want a job so that I can quit school.
- On the other, if I do get the job, and I do quit school, that’s it for me. I can see myself staying at this job…forever.
I used to have passion. A passion for writing, a passion for singing, a passion to go out and be a merchandise manager. I have no passion anymore. I don’t want to do anything, and I don’t see myself doing anything. It’s been like this for a while, but being in this situation is just making it that much more prominent.
I’m tired, you guys. I’m tired and losing. I’m tired of not being good. I’m tired of watching my dreams slip, watching the way to get to them disappear.
Nothing is happening. Except bad things.
I can’t find any hope.